I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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