Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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