So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
