Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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