He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
