You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
