apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
