I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
