what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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