I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
