dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
