i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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