My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
