is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
