If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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