cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
