we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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