I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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