Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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