I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
