Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
