You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
