So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
