they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
