I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
