i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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