You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
