I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
