i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
