I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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