Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
