I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
