dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
