It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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