Tell her she can't have a vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
