she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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