we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i drank out of a bidet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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