Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
