Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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