I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
