no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
