i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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