i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
