i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your mouth is God's brothel.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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