He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
