So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
