so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
