im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
