Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
