I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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