I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
