I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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